I used to try and keep a journal. It didn't last very long. I was too afraid someone would read it. When things are written down they are held against you. A rather simplistic thought one would say but there's a lot more to it.
Right now I am just trying to avoid writing my report its due tomorrow and I should get on with it. I should stop being afraid that it wont be good enough and stop worrying about it. I need to get up and deal with it. But before I do that I need to make a difference with my life. How is blogging going to help? Well perhaps the fact that no one actually knows who I am here will help. I can just write my random thoughts down and have a place for them to exist.
There have been so many times where I thought, my life so far would make a great book. But then there's the problem that involves writing it. I can think it out aloud in my head but rarely ever make the effort to put it down on paper.
So what's so horrible about my life that I feel so miserable? I just feel disconnected and aimless. I sometimes just want to hide here and do absolutely nothing but then he bills wouldn't get paid. My job used to make me want to go to work each day. Now its a hassle a chore and maybe I should just get married and quit working the way my parents want me to. My problem is the fact that I am lazy and cannot be bothered.
I'm not particularly old but in the community I was brought up in, I am pretty much a spinster right now. Younger cousins are married and have kids and I cant even keep a boyfriend. I am so emotionally scarred by the pressures of my society that I look for a long term relationship but tend to overwhelm anyone who likes me even a bit. I get the same you are a great pretty girl but I don't see a future for us being together I just want your company and some fun.
I feel so tired. tired of having to go through each day and see people happy together and wonder why it is that when I want to give and share there isn't someone who wants that as well.
My biological clock is going tick tick tick yet its not children that I want its not a family that I yearn for. Its the warmth of that other person when you snuggle up and watch crappy TV, and that warm comforting feeling as you wake up next to them each morning.
Right that's enough procrastinating, time to get back to that report and finish writing it.....
Right now I am just trying to avoid writing my report its due tomorrow and I should get on with it. I should stop being afraid that it wont be good enough and stop worrying about it. I need to get up and deal with it. But before I do that I need to make a difference with my life. How is blogging going to help? Well perhaps the fact that no one actually knows who I am here will help. I can just write my random thoughts down and have a place for them to exist.
There have been so many times where I thought, my life so far would make a great book. But then there's the problem that involves writing it. I can think it out aloud in my head but rarely ever make the effort to put it down on paper.
So what's so horrible about my life that I feel so miserable? I just feel disconnected and aimless. I sometimes just want to hide here and do absolutely nothing but then he bills wouldn't get paid. My job used to make me want to go to work each day. Now its a hassle a chore and maybe I should just get married and quit working the way my parents want me to. My problem is the fact that I am lazy and cannot be bothered.
I'm not particularly old but in the community I was brought up in, I am pretty much a spinster right now. Younger cousins are married and have kids and I cant even keep a boyfriend. I am so emotionally scarred by the pressures of my society that I look for a long term relationship but tend to overwhelm anyone who likes me even a bit. I get the same you are a great pretty girl but I don't see a future for us being together I just want your company and some fun.
I feel so tired. tired of having to go through each day and see people happy together and wonder why it is that when I want to give and share there isn't someone who wants that as well.
My biological clock is going tick tick tick yet its not children that I want its not a family that I yearn for. Its the warmth of that other person when you snuggle up and watch crappy TV, and that warm comforting feeling as you wake up next to them each morning.
Right that's enough procrastinating, time to get back to that report and finish writing it.....
posted by disorientated at 11:09 AM
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