It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all
I had a crush on this guy four years ago. I used to try and spend time with him, and get insanely jealous when he gave other girls attention and showed a tendency to like them. It was silly really. He had no clue I liked him. Well he thought I was cheeky and funny. Am sure he must have had some inclination. I was 22, and I was such a kid. I left chocolate and a cheesy handmade card outside his door, knocked on it and ran away! He knew it was me and teases me mercilessly about it till today.
I got a bit bolder and gave him a box of mint chocolates for Christmas. A gesture that he returned in kind after the holidays :) And for some reason I decided he wasn't responding to me and backed away. We remained friends, had meals in halls often and hung out, but I kept my emotions aside.
Last week I went to visit him along with another mutual friend. I was my same cheeky self with the same crush, if not bigger. And I learned he hated mint chocolates! Oh dear :) Well all teasing was taken in jest and he was lucky that we got him a box of assorted chocolates instead.
The gorgeous woman he is in love with for three years wants different things in life, leaving him single. I felt such a connection to him this time it scared me. I was afraid to get to know him better. Afraid that if I did so, my crush would turn into something deeper that would sweep me away. And so I balanced at the edge of falling.
I flirted with him shamelessly and he took it all with such good grace and never once made me feel like the idiot I am. He is the sweetest person I know and how I wish I could have stayed and shared my life with him.
On the final night of our stay we spoke about taking chances and opportunities and risks. He told me I should take the chances. Take them as they come so that I find the right person. I didn't know if this was an invitation or not. I wish I had had the privacy to get into a deeper conversation.
And so I gathered my courage, 4 hours before I was due to leave I sent him a text message: I'm going to be cheeky and ask you this; will you meet me on the balcony for a goodnight kiss? if yes, text back, if not, at least I took a chance :)
He texted back.
It was slight windy on the unlit balcony. I stepped out into the crisp air and waited for the adjoining door to slide open. I could hear my heart beating and feel my pulse in my ears! The door slid open and his tall slim figure slid out silently, he shut the door, never taking his eyes off me. As he walked towards me he said, you really are a cheeky girl.
I put my arms around his neck, and drew myself up towards him. Yes I am I said and I felt his lips on mine. I could sense his hands soothing my back, and can only remember how familiar it all seemed. Like meeting and old lover and reliving a long burning romance.
When the kiss ended and I headed back to my room, I felt complete. I felt the closure of the crush and the longing to let myself free-fall over that edge. Instead I got on that plane, and flew home, leaving this love for another time...another life....
I got a bit bolder and gave him a box of mint chocolates for Christmas. A gesture that he returned in kind after the holidays :) And for some reason I decided he wasn't responding to me and backed away. We remained friends, had meals in halls often and hung out, but I kept my emotions aside.
Last week I went to visit him along with another mutual friend. I was my same cheeky self with the same crush, if not bigger. And I learned he hated mint chocolates! Oh dear :) Well all teasing was taken in jest and he was lucky that we got him a box of assorted chocolates instead.
The gorgeous woman he is in love with for three years wants different things in life, leaving him single. I felt such a connection to him this time it scared me. I was afraid to get to know him better. Afraid that if I did so, my crush would turn into something deeper that would sweep me away. And so I balanced at the edge of falling.
I flirted with him shamelessly and he took it all with such good grace and never once made me feel like the idiot I am. He is the sweetest person I know and how I wish I could have stayed and shared my life with him.
On the final night of our stay we spoke about taking chances and opportunities and risks. He told me I should take the chances. Take them as they come so that I find the right person. I didn't know if this was an invitation or not. I wish I had had the privacy to get into a deeper conversation.
And so I gathered my courage, 4 hours before I was due to leave I sent him a text message: I'm going to be cheeky and ask you this; will you meet me on the balcony for a goodnight kiss? if yes, text back, if not, at least I took a chance :)
He texted back.
It was slight windy on the unlit balcony. I stepped out into the crisp air and waited for the adjoining door to slide open. I could hear my heart beating and feel my pulse in my ears! The door slid open and his tall slim figure slid out silently, he shut the door, never taking his eyes off me. As he walked towards me he said, you really are a cheeky girl.
I put my arms around his neck, and drew myself up towards him. Yes I am I said and I felt his lips on mine. I could sense his hands soothing my back, and can only remember how familiar it all seemed. Like meeting and old lover and reliving a long burning romance.
When the kiss ended and I headed back to my room, I felt complete. I felt the closure of the crush and the longing to let myself free-fall over that edge. Instead I got on that plane, and flew home, leaving this love for another time...another life....
posted by disorientated at 7:25 AM
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